cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
