I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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