I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
