Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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