Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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