i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
