3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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