The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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