You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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