I think I won the penis lottery.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize