She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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