so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
