My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
