dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
