Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
