You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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