the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
