My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
worst night to have a conscience
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize