and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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