onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
