: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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