$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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