I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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