Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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