The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
