theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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