That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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