did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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