but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
