Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
