here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
