I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
