i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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