In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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