who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
