she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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