3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize