You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
