If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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