Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
