I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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