I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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