Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
