All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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