bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
