So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
