I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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