It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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