i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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