chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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