OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
