those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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