A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
