Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
