the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
