do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
