We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
