She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
