Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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(904): View more from Florida

You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?

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(307): View more from Wyoming

The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god

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