sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
