my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize