I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
