is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
