k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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