Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
