so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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