It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
