That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
