I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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